Happy Families 

This was written in response to a challenge to base a story around one of Jack Vettriano‘s  paintings. My inspiration, The Billy Boys, is below. If Mr Vetriano or his lawyers happen to be reading then I’m afraid I don’t have any money to pay for the use of the image. However, it’s not unknown for posts on this blog to attract a readership in the high single figures. If even three or four of those readers follow the link above and buy a painting at three quarters of a million pounds, then hopefully that’ll put you up on the deal, eh Jack. If not, give us a shout and I’ll take it down.

 -I say we hit the casinos

-‘Hit the casinos’, Sal? You wanna be careful how you talk.

-You know what I mean…What the hell we doing in Skegness anyway?

-I told you. Team building exercise.

-We’re mafiosi, Gino.


-So mafiosi don’t do ‘team building exercises’.

-It was Rudolfo’s idea.

-Makes sense…Where is he anyway?

-Went back to the caravan in a huff after you kept on about him sniffing round the groyne.

-He was, though.

-…He thought he’d seen a weaver fish. Anyway, stop sulking. Enjoy yourself. They’ve got a Frank Sinatra tribute on at the Embassy tonight.

-Ang said the Triads went to Alton Towers last year.

-Yeah, but Ang said his dad knew where the Brinks Mat bullion was hidden.

-Ey up. Them birds are looking at us.

-The seagulls?

-Nah, birds. Women. Over there on the pier.

-They checking out our Fedoras?

-Maybe they are, Sal, maybe they are..Bugger.


-They’re just looking at that snitch we buried in the sand.


-Dunno. Mebbe they’ve never seen it done head first before.

-A tenner this hat costume me.

-You can wear it down the disco later.

-Disco? I’m not going to the disco l, mate.

-How come?

-I’m meeting Rodolfo, aren’t I?

-What for?

-I dunno…He said summat about a sleepover at the aquarium.


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