Pastiches (Doggerel #7 and 8)

These are a couple of pastiches of better known, and better, poems with added cheap innuendoes. I won’t tell you what the originals were because that’d be the equivalent of an impressionist telling the audience who he’s ‘doing’. Of course, with some impressionists, it’s necessary, but that isn’t the point.

BEDTIME POLITICS

“Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent, and insegrievious.” Bat Mann.

How can she cavort coquettishly
As I try to watch the News?
Gyrations cannot distract me
As wise men expound their views.
That she’s a girl that’s been around
Only stiffens my resolve,
To watch Rt. Hon Members there expound
On problems left to solve,
It’s on politics I’d apply my brain,
But she makes it very hard,
Oh that I were on my own again,
With my copy of Hansard

THIS BE THE CURSE

They grind you down, your darling kids,
Your fault or not, it unavoidably grates,
When they emerge from their teenage crysalids,
A caricature of your character traits

They’ll squeeze their nascent potential into ludicrous trousers,
And spout modish opinions about the political stage
But they’ll have the same views that their father espouses
When they get within sniffing distance of his age

It’s in the human condition to pass on what’s yours,
The spirit persists as body crumbles like loam,
And when your children discover they’ve acquired your flaws,
They’ll stick you in a nursing home

(With apologies to literary executors everywhere)

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