Whatever Floats Your Boat

This is a quick piece of flash inspired by an authonomy challenge. It’s probably horrendously blasphemous which wasn’t the intention.  If it helps, try to think of this as being another story about characters who have the same names as their more celebrated counterparts but who otherwise have nothing to do with them.

-Where’s your mate?

-Back there chatting with the dinosaurs.

-He’d better get a move on. It’s going to rain any minute.

-Those weathermen never get it right.

-We’ll he’d best not say I didn’t warn him.

-He’ll be here. Can’t I wait on the, er…,

-Ark. It’s called an Ark.

-You going to let me on, then?


-Why not?

-The rules say two by two.

-That’s not fair.

-Well, it’s not my fault you’re mate’s couldn’t get her on time.

-He’s on his way.

-He’d better be. Two by two, remember. And I expect you to march.

-Aw, come on, Noah. You know I don’t march. I haven’t got the heels for it.

-I don’t make the rules.

-Who does?

-You know.

-Not this God bloke again?

-That’s the one.

-Someone’s having you on, mate.

-No, they’re not.

-They bloody are. Has anyone even seen this God bloke?

-I have.

-Except you?

-Doesn’t matter if anyone else has seen him. I know I have.


-And what’s he look like, then?

-Big bloke. Flowing robes. Long beard.

-Like that chap who dosses behind the bins in the picnic area at the garden of Eden?

-Nah. This bloke was sort of…holy.


-He had a glow about him.

-Noah, it’s probably the stuff they spray on the food to stop the dossers eating it.

-Whatever. I know what I saw.

-And what did he say, this bloke?

-He told me that there’d be a great flood. That it was going to pour down. Said the survival of life on Earth was down to me, that if I didn’t build an Ark, they was toast.

-Even the dolphins?

-He didn’t mention the dolphins.

-Cause I’d imagine they’d be laughing if it poured down.

-We’re not here to talk about dolphins.

-And you believed this bloke?

-‘Course I believed him.


-It was God, wasn’t it?

-And he wanted you to build an Ark?


-What do you know about building Arks?

-I got a book out of the library.

-So the future of life on earth is dependent on something you read in a book in the library?


-And where did you get your materials?

-Well, it’s the darnedest thing. This God bloke told me his son was a carpenter. Told me he could get me a good price on wood.

-Okay Noah. Let’s get this straight. A strange bearded you don’t know from Adam sold you a job lot of wood and told you to make an Ark.

-Yeah. It’s a real honour, isn’t it?

-It’s a pyramid scheme.

-Nah. That was Moses.

-It’s a con. He’s tricked you. I bet when the time comes, he’ll be nowhere to be seen.

-Of course he won’t. He’s God. He needs to keep his manifestations to a minimum

– Noah…,

-And it’d be hard to find him anyway.


-World’s going to be flooded, isn’t it?

-It won’t. He saw you coming.

-You what now?

-He’s played you for a fool.

-Now steady on…

-No you steady on. You’re an idiot, Noah. People are going to be talking about you for years to come.

-Right. That’s it. You can bugger off.


-I won’t have trouble makers on my Ark.

-Come on…

-You’ve brought this on yourself, Yeti.

-But Noah…

-No buts. And you can tell those Minotaurs to do one while you’re at it.






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2 responses to “Whatever Floats Your Boat

  1. HA HA HA HA!! Love it! Great take on a great story…. 🙂

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