Transform Your Life in Three Easy Steps


This is a Sunday Photo Fiction submission. I suspect this might flout several copyright laws so if any lawyers from Hasbro are reading, just say the word and I’ll take it down.

As always, thanks to Al Forbes for the photo. Every time I see an inconsiderately parked car, I share your pain.

Optimus Prime let himself go when his wife walked out on him. If any of the other Autobots had told him it would happen like this, he’d have looked them in their radiator grill and laughed. Anthropomorphic robots didn’t do love, or tenderness. And besides, Ultra Magnus was the sensitive one. Hadn’t Optimus caught him weeping when JLS split up? Something to do with the bugs on his windscreen, Ultra had insisted, but Optimus hadn’t seen him that upset since Tiffany died on Eastenders.

At first he tried to carry on like nothing was wrong but when that didn’t work, he decided he’d front it out, act like a tough robot to hide the hurt inside. He started looking for Decepticons to attack but most of them had gone back to Cybertron in 2006, disappointed that the technology promised in Transformers: the Movie had failed to materialise. Ultra Magnus tried to get him to come to his book group but Optimus wasn’t interested. Robots didn’t read, he said, and even if they did, they’d go for Andy NcNabb and Lee Child over the likes of Truman Capote or Paolo Coelo. Desperate to channel his aggression, he took to turning up in Supermarket car parks and challenging the other vehicles to fights. Few tool him up on the offer, though he did manage to break a dogger’s metatarsal when he reversed out of a tight spot without looking.

Ultra Magnus was horrified to see his friend’s downward spiral. He tried to co-opt the other Autobots into an intervention but none of them had really liked their erstwhile leader enough to come. On the day, there was only Optimus, Ultra and a plate of Salmon Vol-Au-Vents.

After a few more months of drinking, fighting and day time television, it looked to be game over for the once noble leader, but then it happened. Sunstreaker set Optimus up with his sister and he hasn’t looked back since.



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2 responses to “Transform Your Life in Three Easy Steps

  1. aloha Etienne. i like the punch line. fun. aloha.

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