Living Space

This is today’s Friday Fictioneerssubmission and my second foray into Sci-Fi. The picture features a fabulously robotic looking light fitting but I was much more interested in the hideous orange blinds. Thanks to Kent Bonham for the picture. And, if there are any Malmo-based lawyers reading, my comments are meant in jest; I’be been very happy with my Billy shelves.

20 years ago, the Martians came. We prepared for the worst, because that’s what it said to do in the Alien Invasion manual, between “Hide” and “Fashion melee weapons out of furniture”. It was good advice, we thought; at least it didn’t depend on our knowing the whereabouts of an Allen key.

But we needn’t have panicked. They saw our chintzy soft furnishings, concluded we weren’t their sort of hominids and returned to their functionally-appointed spaceship.

Today, we like our homes utilitarian. I saw the CEO of Ikea on the news the other day. My wife says I’m imagining it, but I SWEAR there was a greenish tinge to his face.

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36 Comments

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36 responses to “Living Space

  1. Dear Etienne,

    Ominous. As IKEA is coming to our city, perhaps I should be wary. Good one.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. The invasion begins through fashion. Have you ever seen the old movie, They Live? It kind of has that vibe, which is a good thing. 🙂

    • Thanks. I’ve not seen it but after googling it, it sounds like the parallels are there. Though I’m perturbed to think of a film that came out 11 years after I was born as ‘old’. I mean, where does that leave Gremlins?

  3. Heeheeheee! Too funny. I live near Rochelle and I have my eye on that IKEA store, too. Thanks for this.

  4. Etienne, one of my favorites of yours. I love this line: ” We prepared for the worst, because that’s what it said to do in the Alien Invasion manual, between “Hide” and “Fashion melee weapons out of furniture”. But I also love IKEA. 🙂

    janet

  5. Nice twist at the end. And I love the idea of an Alien Invasion manual. Cool!

  6. I agree with sustainabilitea…that manual line was hilarious!! As someone who rather enjoys going to IKEA, I can’t say I’m particularly surprised the CEO would be an alien or something close to it. It takes other-worldly abilities to decide that you can build an entire bunk bed set by using a weird L-shaped thingie.

  7. Etienne, I appreciated the humor here. Cute take on the prompt.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  8. Good story. I love the humor. I don’t know how much confidence I’m have in a government booklet about what to do if aliens invade after seeing movies like “Mars Attacks”. Well written.

  9. That is so funny. You should really send it to Ikea. After all, they are Danes.

    • Thanks for reading. Weirdly, I went to Ikea not long after writing this and, even though I knew I’d made it up, it put a whole new spin on the dead-eyed, yellow-uniformed hordes.

  10. I love the line, “…Alien Invasion manual, between “Hide” and “Fashion melee weapons out of furniture.” I would avoid following the advice of a government written alien invasion manual. The aliens (Ikea) might be controlling the writers of the manual. All part of the conspiracy. Funny story! 😉

  11. Non-violent aliens? No Blood thirsty maniacs baying for blood? But seriously, enjoyed your take. Humorous!

  12. scrbwly

    i bet a few ceo’s look like scary martians ….:) to some. good job!

  13. Ah, a silent invasion. Today Ikea, tomorrow the world!
    I can never find an Allen key either (at least not the correct Allen key).

    • I found out the official name for them is “hex key” which somehow fits my experience of them better.

      Thanks for reading.

      (I tried to pop by your blog, by the way, but my phone wouldn’t let me.)

  14. I wonder if the aliens arrived flat-packed? Great story 🙂

  15. Very creative! I like your take on the prompt 🙂

  16. Ha.. I think that I agree that Ingvar Kamprad might be alien.. Having grown up with Ikea … I must say that the invasion started much earlier… probably 50 years ago..

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