Frozen Assets

This is a Sunday Photo Fictionsubmission. I can’t help feeling it fizzles out a bit at the end, but I couldn’t think of a better closing line before succumbing to the desire to watch True Detective on Sky+.

Photo Copyright Al Forbes

-You sure about this?
-Course I am
-Beggars can’t be choosers, Chet.
-Even so, Rodolfo…
-Look, the bottom’s fallen out of the kidnap racket. We need to take our chances where we can.
-I know, but…
-But nothing, Chet, it’s been like this since pre-nups came in.
-You what?
-Used to be a rich feller’d pay what ever you asked to get the love of his life back. Now, if the ransom’s more than the price of a fortnight’s golfing break in Marbella, he’s not interested. It’s getting harder and harder to make a living from the fee-for-service abduction industry.
-True, but there’s got to be another way…What about pets?
-Yeah. Horse and hounds and all that. You kidnap a rich bloke’s prize Weimaraner and he’s bound to pay up.
-With my allergies?
-Fair enough. But, Rodolfo?
-Yes, Chet?
-…A snowman, though?
-What’s wrong with kidnapping a snowman?
-It’s not like you’ll be able to ask for much. I mean…It’s a snowman.
-Exactly what?
-Stands to reason, doesn’t it? Most of the time, if a rich feller wants something, he’ll get a bloke in to make it. A snowman’s about the only thing he’ll do for himself. If it’s not there the next morning, it reflects badly on him.
-So, a man’ll pay whatever it takes to save face in front of his kids. It’s easy money for the likes of us.
-But how will he know we’ve got it?
-We do what we usually do.
-What’s that, Rodolfo?
-Jesus, Chet. Send him a finger in a matchbox with a ransom note.
-But, Rodolfo…?
-Yes, Chet?
-Won’t he have twigs instead of hands?
-Yeah. So?
-So how’s he going to know we haven’t just turned over a bird’s nest?
-Fine…We’ll just send him a photo of old Frosty with a copy of today’s paper…You have bought a paper, haven’t you?
-Yeah. I’m saving up the coupons so I can get a free World War II in Colour DVD.
-If this comes off, Chet, you’ll be able to get it on Blu-Ray.
-I haven’t got a player.
-That’s not the point…Just take the photo.
-Where is he, then?
-Where’d’you think? Chained to a radiator in the cellar.
-You what?
-First rule of the Kidnapper’s Charter, innit?
-Yes, Chet?
-You weren’t banking on this ransom, were you?




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7 responses to “Frozen Assets

  1. Al

    Oh that made me laugh out loud 😀 Brilliant. That last bit was the clincher “Chained to the radiator” haha brilliant

  2. I’m with Al. I was roaring! I have brothers fashioned like this in a piece but you really brought these guys to life. Kudos!! Loved it!

  3. Reality is 99 people out of 100 won’t read a story if the author says it fizzles out before the end i.e. don’t undersell your work 🙂 As it happens I thought end was the best part!

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