Prussian Blues

This is another Friday Fictioneerssubmission, and my attempt to rescue a formerly favorite song from AOR hell. It may seem wuite a lateral interpretation of the prompt but of your bear with me, I promise it’ll make sense. More examples can be found by following the link.

I’ve ignored the word limit this week. I think I could’ve got it down to nearer 100 words but it would have meant excising some of my favourite bits so unfortunately, it’s 164 words which I know is a diabolical liberty.

Photo copyright Adam Ickes.

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Hans and Uli met as star-crossed lovers either side of the Berlin Wall, Mostly, they’d gaze at one another under the disapproving glare of the checkpoint guard.

Then the wall came down and the spark went out. With Hans and Uli free to see each other whenever they chose, they grew bored ans started to bicker about little things: Hans’ drinking; Uli’s extreme caution with money. They tried to spice things up by inviting the checkpoint guard into their bedroom sessions, but he just kept leaving pretzel crumbs on the duvet.

In the end, it was Hans who had the idea. Neither of them had learned to swim-in a landlocked enclave, it had been pointless- so they built a moat in the garden. Once a week, they’d meet and gaze at one another, like they had before the Wall came down.

It worked for a while but in the end, Uli started having an affair with the checkpoint guard and Hans got a shed.

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43 Comments

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43 responses to “Prussian Blues

  1. Dear Etienne,

    Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I enjoyed this story so much I didn’t notice your 65 word infraction. A very well told tale. A bit sad how fantasy gave way to reality. Alas, those things we admire in our mate at the beginning often become the things that annoy us later on.
    Your penance: next week your story can only be 35 words long. (kidding).

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Good and interesting story. Well done. It makes me wonder how often that might have happened in real life.

  3. Etienne, you’re up and writing early today…and to good effect. They were creative, you have to give them that and so were you. Lots of fun.

    janet

  4. Etienne,
    I’m not sure if it was intentional, but that check-point guard is hilarious. I dare you to write a story sometime from his perspective. This is one of my favorite stories so far this week. ๐Ÿ™‚
    -David

  5. I agree with David. I was laughing at the checkpoint guard. Whether that was intentional or not, I have no clue, but I loved your story. Sometimes it pays to disregard the limit.

  6. It sounds like Hans got the better end of the deal. Give me a shed over a pretzel-eating bed-partner any day. Loved the matter of fact tone and the humour in this.

  7. Well etienne you got away with it, well done, and I did enjoy the story. Delightful.

  8. the check-point guard, the pretzels on the duvet, the moat… brilliant & funny ๐Ÿ™‚ loved your story.

  9. A brilliant story, Etienne. It’s funny but also sad when reality disenchants our dreams.

  10. Sometimes a story simply must include those extra words. This is beautiful. What is life without the longing anyway? I especially enjoyed the bits about the checkpoint guard. My mother has her own stories, not as romantic, about a particular guard at Checkpoint Charlie. Perhaps that story will unfold on my blog later. I’ll keep you posted.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  11. A witty story with an underlying truth about human nature – perfect:)

  12. So I guess they got to be Heroes, but just for one day?

  13. Three-in-a-bed-with-pretzels. Hilarious. I’m not sure this works, mind you: “Hans and Uli met as star-crossed lovers either side of the Berlin Wall.” How? But I forgive you for this.

    I’d don’t always meet the 100-word limit. I try and sometimes lose the story, but it’s a great exercise in self-editing and well worth the attempt. Ann

  14. Jim Kane

    A very good story about what often happens in life when life changes!

    Regards

    Jim

  15. Ha!ha!So very funny-lucky guard ;-)Loved this refreshing take on the prompt ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. I really enjoyed the playful edge to this one, Etienne. It’s the checkpoint guard that really interested me… a man of mystery, for sue. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  17. Sun

    better than a soap opera segment…the invitation of the third party and then it still goes bust. well for Hans anyway. great story.

  18. Dramatic and hilarious! Glad you overstepped the word limit, you sure did a fantastic job with the prompt! Loved this ๐Ÿ˜€

  19. This made me chuckle! Great story ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. I love this story – Great! Nan

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