Wolf Down (Sunday Photo Fiction)

This is a Sunday Photo Fictionoffering. Incidentally, it’s not a pop at CBT therapists-I’m married to one so wouldn’t dare. Equally, whilst vampire-hunters come off badly, I never know when I might require the services of one, so I’m only joking, guys. also, if anyone can think of a better title, let me know-I’ve done Loup De Loup already, unfortunately.


Werewolf hunters have always been given a bad press. However we dress it up, we’re the PE teachers of the monster-exterminating community. Francois Antoine was a lunkish charlatan, they say. We counter that he was real, at least, unlike the egregious Van Helsing, but they don’t listen. Presumably, they’re too busy hanging around wearing long overcoats in Whitby, shovelling whelks down their pale and interesting necks.

Bottom line: hunting a loup garou takes intelligence, cunning and animal strength. It takes brain as much as it does brawn. By contrast, to kill a vampire, all you have to do is wait till he’s asleep and drive a stake through his heart. My sixteen-year-old nephew could do that, though it didn’t work as a defence when he murdered his art teacher.

Trouble is, no one understands us ; no one cares about the martial arts training or the degrees in cryptozoology. We’re the dumb jocks with the silver bullets.

Until now.

I had a brainwave in my shed the other day. A chance to end the lycanthropic plague without recourse to bloodshed. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for werewolves. I’m using the Exposure Response Prevention model which worked so well for me and my fear of motorway service station hand dryers. It’s simple, requiring no more than a Tea towel and a photograph of the moon I ordered from Amazon Marketplace. And it works; by Jove, it works. After 12 sessions, I guarantee the ex-werewolf’ll be able to look at a full moon with no more than a vague craving for a cream cheese sandwich or a sudden compulsion to remember the name of the actor who played Elliot in that ET film. Only downside is, it doesn’t pay nearly so well as traditional werewolf hunting. Still, the hours are more sociable and
it keeps the proverbial from the door.



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5 responses to “Wolf Down (Sunday Photo Fiction)

  1. Al

    hahaha I suppose that’s one way of fixing it 😀 Every time vampires see a vein, they get the urge to sit and watch Bedknobs & Broomsticks 🙂 I love the idea of this

  2. Interesting idea. I might have to try some CBT on those vampires I’ve been fighting recently. Oh, and, no offense taken, by the way. I’ll be happy to help if you need my services. Some of those monsters are such blasted light sleepers that without professional services you might have some problems.

  3. great idea you should patent it – BUT make sure you find a way to produce the T towels yourself first. Richard Branston wouldn’t buy em from Amazon – mind you I think he may be a – no no surely not

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