Djinn and Tonic

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This is another Friday Fictioneerssubmission. I’m writing this in a car park in Salford and haven’t had time to polish it. I’ve done a lot of dialogue recently so would hope to do a proper story next time.

Photo Copyright Dawn M. Miller

100 words (thanks to the excision of a rather weak joke about immobilisers)

-What’d your mum say?
-She’s coming.
-Again? She was only here last month.
-She’s lonely.
-Quelle surprise.
-Her husband was eaten by a Roc.
-Lucky sod.
-And she’s been burgled 41 times in the last year.
-…Are you going to get them down from the loft, then?
-Get what?
-You know. Them.
-…I suppose.
-I wish she’d bring something else.
-She means well.
-You bought one lamp, twenty years ago. At least that one came with a gadget.
-Leave it, Jas. She’s my mum.
-Ok…How many nights did she say she’d be staying, Aladdin?
-Take a wild guess…

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75 Comments

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75 responses to “Djinn and Tonic

  1. Dear Etienne,

    Cute story! Aladdin’s mum? You made me laugh.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. A very convincing dialogue. I can imagine something similar going on in many a home… πŸ™‚

  3. I love this story! I have some paintings that do the same thing every time a member of my family comes to visit.

  4. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers – Inheritance | The Blurred Line

  5. Lovely dialogue etienne, enjoyed this and I could understand Aladdin being worried.

  6. Amusing story and good dialogue. That was a great surprise ending.

  7. What fun, Etienne! I guess we should have known Aladdin would have a mum, but who thinks about such things? Should I say that was enlightening? Probably not.

    janet

  8. Good surprise at the end and witty title.

  9. Sounds like she’s had terrible luck. Lots of complaints for Jasmine to listen to when she comes.

  10. haha i loved the title and the dialogue. no need to apologize, this IS a proper story and wonderfully entertaining! πŸ™‚

  11. Ha Ha, you could really hear the conversation πŸ™‚

  12. This is a creative story. Nice twist.

  13. ha! That was fun. I enjoyed it.

  14. Light and airy and lovely…

  15. I enjoyed the dialogue so much.

  16. And this is why I always write my own before I read the others! I only get to two and there is a Genie reference. Nicely done, loved the mother in law references. πŸ™‚

  17. oh dear, forgot the hyphens!

  18. Personally, I’m a big fan of dialogue; you’ve done a great job of building a story of some fun chatter!

  19. Fantastic story! Very funny, felt like I was a fly on the wall πŸ™‚

  20. This is a lot of fun, Etienne! Dialogue is my weak suit. Hope some of your brilliance rubs off on me. πŸ™‚

  21. Thanks for the chuckle. I like the light-hearted tone of the story.

  22. I love updated fairy tales- What happens after Happily Ever After. This was very clever. Hope their ready for 101 nights and new lamp. Great story.

    • Thank you. I’ve done several updated fairy tales now. I’ve got three daughters so I know the Disney films like the back of my hand. It’s probably my way if asserting my identity as an adult with a GCSE in English.

  23. Yeah I can imagine a stepmother being a pain in the ass for Aladdin

  24. Good story – I like your dialogue! It tells the whole story.

  25. Deanna Herrmann

    Very clever πŸ™‚ I definitely enjoyed the fun nature to this.

  26. Very amusing and great title. I’m intrigued to know what the “immobilisers” joke was, now!

    • Thanks. It wasn’t really much of a joke actually. Basically, I wanted to have something about Ali Baba trying to steal Ma Aladdin’s magic carpet but finding he couldn’t because she’d had immobilisers fitted. I liked it but Inliked the idea of getting it down to 100 words more.

  27. I love when the mother in law stays for a visit!

  28. Love the title… cute story!

  29. Haha! Now that was a fun little reading romp! Very cute story!

  30. 1001 … what do I win? 😎

  31. Innovative! I found this super-cute and the ending was hilarious πŸ˜€

  32. Ha!ha!Even Aladdin is not free from problems and Jasmine has MIL issues too;-)Etienne,what a creative take on the prompt!Such natural dialogues!Loved it:-)

  33. Nice little story. Fun title.
    Try a car park in Manchester next.

  34. camgal

    Haha, this got me laughing- “her husband was eaten by a Roc, Lucky sod!” Nice one πŸ™‚

  35. Ah! The monthly mother-in-law visit scare πŸ˜›
    Lovely piece
    Enjoyed it thoroughly πŸ˜€

  36. Very cute; and the title is so clever!

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