False Idyll

Photo Copyright Al Forbes.

This is my inaugural Sunday Photo Fiction submission. Thanks to Helen Midgely for the heads up. For more examples, see hereMy wi-Fi connection is obscenely slow tonight so apologies if this is treading similar ground to other posters.

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-I’ll tell you what the trouble is
-What’s that, then?
-Second homers.
-Second homers?
-Yeah. City types coming here for ‘weekend and then buggering off back to that London.
-‘Least they’re quiet, Neville.
-Quiet? They’re sapping the village of its comm-you-knit-tea spirit. Pricing the locals out of the housing market then neglecting the local retail trade. Turning the place into a ghost town?
-But, Nev?
-Yeah?
-Don’t you have a holiday place in Normandy?
-It’s different, innit?
-Different how?
-They’re French.
-Oh, of course.
-This Chipping Norton set are destroying Cotswold life.
-But…Does it matter?
-Why shouldn’t it matter?
-It’s not like we’re part of village life, anyway.
-What d’you mean, Ralph?
-Well, we’re trolls, aren’t we?
-Doesn’t mean we don’t do our bit. Over the years, we’ve built up an eck-will-lib-reeum. ..Half of these new guys don’t even got goats.
-I’m off red meat, anyway.
-The new lot are a lot obnoxious Hoorays. It says so in the Guardiam.
-But, villagers used to get drunk and urinate in our house on the way back from the pub?
-Water under the bridge, mate. At least farmhands knew how to have a good time. What do this lot do in the evenings?
-Dunno. Blogging?
-Blogging?
-On the Internet, like.
-What’s the Internet?
-You don’t know what the Internet is?
-Should I?
-Neville, mate, I think I’m about to rock your world.

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “False Idyll

  1. Al

    Welcome to the Sunday Photo Fiction.

    I love this 😀 Gave me some giggles.

  2. Loved it, cleverly done 😉

  3. Aww, bless ’em. Sounds like the same argument you hear all the time here in Cornwall (only not from trolls). The locals can do no wrong, it’s always the city types!
    Had me smiling all the way through 🙂

  4. Lyn

    comm-you-knit-tea spirit eck-will-lib-reeum water under the bridge Beautiful! Absolutely loved the dialogue between these two. Welcome to Sunday Fiction, I hope we see you here every week, with your sense of humour, you’ll fit right in 😀

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