A Kiss Is Still A Kiss

Photograph copyright Erin Leary

Another week, another Friday Fictioneers submission. After last week’s yarn about talking molluscs, I’ve gone maudlin for this one. I couldn’t get it below 130 words, but I think they’re all necessary this time. More examples hereYou always used to like it here, didn’t you, love? By the river in the morning. Something about the silences, I suppose. It’s cold, mind, but that only makes it more beautiful, with the mist floating above the water. I used to say it looked like a ghost, but you’d tell me not to be daft. From time to time, I still see that spark in you.

We used to go walking here when the kids were grown up. You’re smiling. I thought you would. The doctor said it was pointless, that by bringing you here, I’d only risk you catching a chill. What does he know, eh? This was our special place, wasn’t it? I knew you’d remember.

You do, don’t you, darling? You must remember this. Love? Love?

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19 Comments

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19 responses to “A Kiss Is Still A Kiss

  1. You capture his desperation to see something in her face that proves she is still there, trapped inside. I like the memories and the description. I can see a few places you could slice a word or two, but sometimes it’s a big ask to hit the 100 word mark. I do it, because I’m picky like that, and I almost always think the story is stronger for the cuts, but I can definitely sympathise with the desire to leave a few extras!

  2. Very deep!Nicely done:-)

  3. Sounds like she might have gone happy–or else, she was just gone (sad for him to see). Well done.

  4. I hope she answers him the next time. This was so emotional and exactly what I would expect a loving couple to do to try and bring back a glimmer or spark of recognition – just for an instant. Well done! Nan

  5. Dear Etienne,

    Like Jennifer I can see places where you could cut words and still make the same impact. I’m picky about it in my own writing. However, I’ll not quibble over it. It’s a beautiful, gut-wrenching story. It hits home with me on a personal level as we watch my mother in law slipping away. Well done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. Sad story of enduring love.

  7. Such sadness when all is lost like that.. great story…

  8. It can be so hard to let go of happier times, and you’ve poignantly captured the desire to recreate them.

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