Don’t Carp

(This is a Friday Fictioneers Submission-unfortunately, I’ve forgot to add the link and my internet connection’s now playing up but it’s quite easy to find if you search-I’d strongly recommend it, there are some great pieces on there)

It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t be happy in the pond. For the other fish, it was enough that they were kept moist, regularly fed and protected from the herons by the net.  Alphonso had always wanted more.  Swimming from one side of the pond to the other had entertained him at first, but he’d tired of it quickly. Affecting nonchalance when the pond owner’s children threw him titbits gave him a certain fleeting amusement, though he’d invariably find himself nosing through the rushes in search of leftovers when they’d gone. His only chance of escape would to evolve into another form that could take millennia and there was no guarantee he’d be any happier then.  Given the choice, he’d never have opted to be a fish in an accountant’s garden pond but he’d been forced to take what he was given.  Like everything else, his handlers kept reminding him, the witness relocation programme had been affected by cutbacks in recent years.

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30 Comments

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30 responses to “Don’t Carp

  1. Love the ending–very funny!!!

  2. AnElephant is happy that your writing skills far exceed your arithmetic!

    • Thanks, I think, though I’ll own up to being a little confused about the arithmetic comment though it was one of my weaker subjects at school.

      • Just AnElephant’s attempt at humour regarding the 100 word rule.
        You should be aware that Rochelle polices this fiercely and AnElephant has been severely beaten with objects as varied as a somewhat soggy banana and a direly damp fish in times past.
        But it is our secret, okay?
        And your story is cool.

      • Ah, now I get it. Thought it would probably be the word count but was scrutinising story for accidental mathematical references. Thanks for clarifying. All the best.

  3. Dear Etienne,

    Is AnElephantCant carping about your arithmetic? Doesn’t add up.

    Lovely, whimsical story that clearly illustrates that crime doesn’t pay.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  4. Dear Etienne,

    I didn’t know fish had relocation programmes. But I know little of what goes on in the mind of a koi. Nice one. Carpe Diem.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. Hi Etienne,
    Love the folktale quality in your story.
    Karen

  6. You managed to invest quite a bit of character into the hapless Alphonso. Nice story.

  7. Haha. Didn’t see that coming but I suppose with Witness Protection you’re not meant to. V funny.

  8. Trés amusing punchline! This was really fun.

  9. What a fun story. I really felt like I got to know Alphonso, and just the idea that some guy could be turned into a fish for witness protection makes this a perfect plot for a Disney movie! I really do think you should expand this and make it a regular short story at least — or perhaps even a novella?

  10. I love how a serious consideration for escape seems to be to evolve!
    Like the pun in the title.

  11. I think Alfonso is lucky–swimming with the fishes usually has an extremely ominous meaning. Fun story.

  12. This was such a serious tale until that last line.
    Thanks for the giggle.

  13. CherryPickens

    Excellent twist into the paranormal relocation of witnesses. I’d love to see this worked into a longer story.

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